Young Love

If you sacrifice your own growth and talent for love, you absolutely will not find happiness.

It is as natural for young people to fall in love as it is for flowers to bloom in spring.

And yet, the agonies of love are many and varied.

While everyone is free to fall in love or be attracted to someone, and no one as the right to meddle in your private affairs, I feel it is also important not to lose sight of pursuing your own personal development. There are of course no rules on love and marriage, and no one has the right to restrict you in any way. But I hate to see young people getting involved in frivolous relationships, and suffering and agonising over them when they should be fulfilled and happy.

My mentor in life, Mr Toda, often said that when women act with dignity in relationships, problems can be avoided. Women, he said, should not have an easy-going, careless attitude concerning love, as this may lead to regrets and suffering.

While I am writing this with young women particularly in mind, much of what I am saying also applies to young men.

To me, love should be a force that helps us expand our lives and bring out our potential with fresh vitality. This is the ideal, but all too often people lose all objectivity when they fall in love.

The question is "Does this person inspire you to work harder, or distract you from what you have to do? Does their presence make you more determined to devote grate energies to you activities, to be a better person? Do they inspire you to realise you future goals and work towards them? Or is that person your central focus, overshadowing everything else?

If you find that you are neglecting things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you are in, then I would suggest that you might be on the wrong path. A healthy relationship in my view, is one which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals, while sharing each other's hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope.

Rather than becoming so love-struck that you created a world in which only the two of you exist, it is much healthier to learn from those aspects of your loved one that you respect and admire, and continue to make efforts to improve and develop yourself. Atoine de Sain-Exupery, the author of "The Little Prince", once wrote,

"Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction."

Of course, much of daily life tends to be ordinary and unexciting. Make steady efforts to improve ourselves can be tying. And then, when you fall in love, life seems filled with drama and excitement and you fell like the leading character in a book. But if you lose yourself in love just because you are bored, and veer from your path in life, then love is nothing more than escapism. But sadly many people believe that this kind of love is the be-all and end-all, deluding themselves that as long as they are in love, nothing else matters.

Even if you try to love as an escape, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. If anything, you may only find yourself with more problems along with a great deal of pain and sadness. However much you may try, you can never run away from yourself. If you remain weak inside, suffering will only follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you do not change yourself from within. Happiness is not something that anyone else, or even a lover, can give you. You have to achieve it by yourself. And, as a human being, by fully maximising your potential. If you sacrifice your own growth and talent for love, you absolutely will not find happiness.

My concern is saying this is purely for the sake of young people _ particularly young women whoa re often very vulnerable to persuasion by young men. They can sometimes act as if they are stunned and lose then ability to make calm, rational decisions. Since young women are the ones who most often get hurt, they have every right to assert their dignity and look after their own welfare.

It is precisely for this reason that I feel it is important for young women to develop inner strength and self-respect.

Is it demeaning to be constantly seeking approval. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are not treated the way your heart tells you you should be. I hope you will have the courage and dignity to decide that you are better off running the risk of being alone for the time being rather than enduring an unhappy relationship.

Real love is not two people clinging on each other. It can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. A shallow person will only have shallow relationship. If you want to experience real love. It is important first develop a strong self-identity. True love is not about doing whatever the other person wants you to do, or pretending that you are something you are not. Ideal love is fostered only between two sincere, mature and independent people.



by Daisaku Ikeda (Extracted from "A Piece of Mirror and other essays")
pictures credit to www.sxc.hu

please allow me to share I

May be this is not new to some of you. I thought it is great as a reminder. I have picked part of it. Lets see..

A Buddhist view of Relationships
by Eddy Canfor-Dumas
Why him? Why her?
In fact, as we chant and study the life-philosophy of Nichiren Daishonin, we can go even deeper into ourselves and begin to see and understand the pattern of our attraction to certain people. For, as Nichiren Daishonin teaches, two people who have chosen to live in a close relationship fit each other perfectly, in all their strengths and weaknesses. Describing the relationship of husband and wife in thirteenth century Japan, he says:

When a husband is happy, his wife will be fulfilled. If a husband is a thief, his wife will become one, too. This is not a matter of this life alone. A man and wife are as close as a body and shadow, flowers and fruit, or roots and leaves, in every existence of life (Major writings, Vol.1, p.146).

This observation is based on the Buddhist principle of the Ten Worlds. Buddhism teaches that all people share ten basic life conditions – Hell, Hunger, Animality, Anger, Tranquility, Rapture, Learning, Realization, Boddhisatva and Buddhahood, all of which have certain characteristics.

Hell is the world of suffering; Hunger is the world of insatiable desire; Animality is the world of the instinct. Anger is dominated by the ego, Tranquillity (Humanity) by calmness, Rapture by momentary pleasure, Learning is characterized by the desire to learn from the teachings of others, Realization by the desire to improve oneself through one’s own efforts, and Boddhisatva by the exercise of compassion. Buddhahood, which is revealed through chanting Nam myoho renge kyo, acts as a kind of positive filter which brings out all of the beneficial, value-creating aspects of the other nine worlds.

Everyone tends to live predominantly in one or two of these life conditions, which, although they are displayed according to the personality of each individual, retain their basic characteristics. Thus, one person might be brash and boastful and another quietly superior, but both are exhibiting aspects of the world of Anger, the ego.

The important thing about this, as far as relationships go, is that we tend to be attracted to those people who share the same basic life condition as ourselves.

A person in the grip of Animality, for instance, will take every opportunity to indulge in instinctive pleasures – sex, food, drink, sleep – usually with little thought for the consequences of his actions. He will tend to be attracted to someone who is also in the grip of Animality, even though the object of his attentions might not exhibit all the same aspects of the life condition. For instance, both might share an appetite for sex and alcohol, but one might consistently defer to the wishes of the other in all other matters – as Nichiren Daishonin says of Animality, ‘It is the nature of beasts to threaten the weak and fear the strong’ (Major Writings, Vol.1, p.34).

Exactly how the Ten Worlds operate in individuals can be extremely subtle, and there is no space here to analyse all their various nuances. And they are by no means all bad. Each of the Ten Worlds has both negative and positive aspects (except Buddhahood, which is wholly positive), so if we are fortunate enough to be dominated by, say, the positive aspects of the world of Tranquility (or Humanity) – clear, reasoned judgement – our chances of forging a successful relationship will be much higher than if we are in the clutches of Hell, whether or not we chant Nam myoho renge kyo.

Even so, as we chant about our present and past relationships, we begin to identify which of the Ten Worlds have been dominant in them. Almost invariably, we see that we have been attracted to the same type of person, ‘chosen’ by our own dominant life state.

This pattern Buddhism calls our ‘karma’, habitual behaviour which we are bound to repeat. Take the couple described above. If the man begins to despise his partner’s weakness and continual deference – one of the very things that attracts him in the first place – he might eventually end the relationship. Being dominated by Animality, however, he is only attracted to those who share characteristics similar to the person he has just left. They might appear in a different form –this time, for instance, he might play the subservient role – but essentially he will find himself in the same kind of relationship.

Breaking the pattern.
It is to break out of the pattern imposed on us by our karma that we chant. As we do so and reflect on our actions, we begin to see our motives more clearly. And after a time (it varies from person to person), if we conclude that our attitude is based on the negative aspects of one of the Ten Worlds – especially the ‘lower worlds’ of Hell, Hunger, Animality, Anger, Tranquility or Rapture – we determine to challenge and change it, for the happiness of both ourselves and our partner (present or future).

At the same time we struggle to base our relationships increasingly on the world of Buddhahood, with its deep respect for the inherent dignity of life and for the fundamental equality of all people. For ultimately, Buddhism teaches, it is a relationship based on shared goals, respect and equality that stands more chance of enduring and growing than one based on passion, romance or unrealistic expectations of our partner’s ability to make us happy. As Nichiren Daishonin states:

Explain all this to your wife, and work together like the sun and the moon, a pair of eyes, or the two winds of a bird. With the sun and the moon, how can you fall into the path of darkness? With a pair of eyes, how can you fail to behold the faces of Shakyamuni, Taho and all the other Buddhas of the universe? With a pair of wings, you will surely be able to fly in an instant to the Buddha land of eternal happiness (Major Writings, Vol.2, p.231).

What does this mean in practical terms? First, if we are not involved with anyone at present but wish to be, it means making a strong determination to meet the right person for our happiness – which also means the right person for kosen-rufu – and then, effectively, forgetting about it. Lodged deep in our lives, the desire to meet the right person, coupled with a strong daily practice, will eventually draw that person to us when the time is right.

In the meantime, instead of being obsessed with having ‘a relationship’ and feeling sorry for ourselves that we are alone, we can concentrate on creating value in our society and growing as strong and independent individuals – who are, anyway, generally more attractive to others than those who are always desperately seeking someone.

‘The right partner for kosen-rufu’ does not mean, however, that there will only ever be one person ‘out there’ with whom we can possibly build a happy relationship, whom we somehow hunt out with our chanting; neither does it mean that he or she should necessarily be a Buddhist.

There may, in fact, be more than one person with whom we forge successful, creative relationships on the path of our human revolution towards finding our partner for life. They may or may not be Buddhists (although this would be hard with someone vehemently and consistently opposed to our practice). And even if our partner never chants, if we do our utmost to respect and support him or her in the fulfillment of his or her unique purpose in this life, he or she will respect and support us in turn, and help us fulfil our unique purpose, too.

In this context, chanting is a means of developing sufficient good fortune, through our thoughts, words and deeds based on Buddhahood, to be in the right position to meet the right person at the right time. Chanting also helps us develop enough wisdom to recognize the potential that exists in that other person (and any existing relationship we might have), and then to decide whether to act or not.

So, secondly, once we meet someone to whom we are attracted, we should chant seriously before we become romantically (or sexually) involved with him or her. We need the wisdom (and courage) of our Buddhahood to look clearly and honestly at the nature of our attraction. And if our wisdom counsels against involvement, we must listen to it – or face the inevitable consequences. Our karma to be drawn to a certain type of person may be very strong, but if we have suffered from it in the past, it is only by not succumbing to it now that we can hope to change our pattern of unhappy relationships.

What’s gone wrong?
Once in a relationship, then, it follows that we must chant seriously about all of the problems that it will inevitably throw up, however minor they might seem at the time – for, in Everett’s words, ‘Tall oaks from little acorns grow.’

Buddhism teaches that however passionate two people are at the start of their relationship, over the course of time the intensity of that feeling will fade and change. This is because romantic love is all too often a manifestation of the world of Rapture, which is, by definition, short-lived. The passing of the rapturous phase does not necessarily mean that the couple will have stopped loving each other – although some people think this is what has happened and can get very worried – but that other aspects of the Ten Worlds have come to the fore.

For example, through the rose-tinted spectacles of Rapture, Ms A is beguiled by Mr B’s easy-going charm. But as Rapture fades, as it must, she’s increasingly irritated by what she now sees as his laziness and refusal ever to take a stand on anything. In other words, the Tranquility that attracted her has begun to repel her.

everyone needs a hug

yeah. i think what people need is hug. everyone deserves it. Very basic touch to the heart, yet it is straightforward and very simple.

the moment you hug someone or being hugged, a lovely friendship has confirmed, discrimination gone, happyness and sadness has been shared, forgiveness filled the gap, feel the love... are you longing for someone to give you a hug? have you hug your grandmother today? (as i will do it everyday, starts from today)

I have been looking into this campaign, surprisingly, it is already been there for quite some time, also amazed with the result generated.
tonnes of photos can be found on flickr

the Free Hugs campaign
The Free Hugs Campaign began on Wednesday June 30th, 2004 in an effort to cheer up one person’s day. Mine. --Juan Mann--

results:dated 1st march 2008

on facebook:
Free Hugs cause:
614 members

A Campaign for Free Hugs group:
35,208 members
Type: Common Interest - Beliefs & Causes
"Research shows that we need at least three hugs a day to grow and become a better person. A hug is a universal symbol of support, concern, or just a way of saying, 'I’m here and I matter.' "
Has anyone heard of the Free Hugs Campaign over in Sydney, Austraila?
Sydney is such a lovely place. I love it so much, may b much more than New Zealand, if I would have stayed there longer.

Free Hugs application:
"Hugging is all natural: it is organic, naturally sweet, it has no pesticides, no preservatives, no artificial ingredients, and is 100% wholesome.
Hugging is practically perfect: there are no movable parts, no batteries to replace, no periodic check-ups, has low energy consumption, high energy yield, is inflation-proof, non-fattening, has no monthly payments, no insurance requirements, is theft-proof, non-taxable, non-polluting, and is, of course, fully refundable."
-- Sharon Lindsey --

Firefox Add-ons:
HugBack for facebook - Changes all 'poking' on Facebook.com to the lovable action of 'hugging'! - that is i have not give a try yet.

on AOL:
'Free Hugs' was aired on 'Good Morning America.'

on Oprah Winfrey's:
So do people think he's crazy? "All the time," Juan says. "People tend to be a bit wary of strange men in velvet coats walking around with giant signs."

on youtube:

Added: since September 22, 2006
Views: 24,222,734
Comments: 47714
Video response: 407

The Illustration Guide to Free Hugsyou are allowed to download the book there, as well as make donation.

basically, when you google "free hugs campaign", it comes up with 1,030,000 results.

last but not least, on wikipedia:
The Free Hugs Campaign is a phenomenon which involves individuals who offer hugs to strangers in public settings. It began in June, 2004,[1] and was widely publicized in 2006 by a music video on YouTube that was filmed and produced by the australian band Sick Puppies. The campaign is an example of a random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better. The original organizer has stated in interviews that the purpose is not to get names, phone numbers, or dates.

add-on with International Free Hugs Day! every first weekend after June 30!

many more to be discovered, t-shirts, my space, forums... argh, again, i am not sure if i am too late to blog about this. well, it is awesome. the hand drawn typography style on the boards are very interesting too!

i hug you

oh valentine's day

Happy Valentine's Day ? A day to remind me about my loved ones. I was more concerned about what my dad is buying for my mom. I mean, what will he surprise her, because I think she deserves it.
good enough? couple t-shirt, "SO CUTE" and the "You" and "Me" puzzle pendent.

I don't need roses or chocolate or pink iPod nano OR Tiffany & Co. Emerald-Cut Diamond, but I don't mind if there is a bonus for me :P

this was really something I thought of before, for myself, imagine my loved one does that to me.

:)