sickness

today I am looking at map of the world, measuring how far from Malaysia to New Zealand, with my finger tips. I know what I am facing is nothing bigger than the world. I know all that I am suppose to be positive. No one can help me even my friends talk to me for 10 hours. It's just me that is too stubborn on letting go and be myself. I am kind of sick.
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I need to go out of the city and play with the sea, sky and mountain.
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a yoga class like this

7:10pm. 10 minutes after work. I met some senior management people in the escalator. The first thing that blurp out from one of them was:
"wah! half day huh?"
* I was like what was it supposed to mean? * i replied:"half day?"
"yeah, as long as you can still see daylight, it is considered as half day. Usually we go home at 9 sometimes 12."
* I thought i was suppose to feel guilty for a while, but I've completed my work on time, shouldn't i leave on time? * as concern i asked:" so are you going for dinner?(*back to work after that*)"
they replied:"No! MEETING with client." escalator reached basement. "BYE!"
*WHAT?!*


8pm. by rushing, i reached home safely. I went to this yoga club with my sister after 20 minutes, .... ,it was so crowded, the last class of the day, sweaty atmosphere in the room, it started off quite well, towards the end of the class, teacher said, relax and focus on your breathing...inhale, stomach raise; exhale, stomach fall...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeep -- typical message ringtone. IT was OKAY.
(* the lights turned off *) so quiet, the cd player is playing calm and smooth music. relax your toes, relax your heels, relax your thigh, your abdomen muscle, relax your back, your shoulder, BUTTZZZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEE. BUTTTTZZZZZZZ -- handphone's vibration. such a turn off. yeah yeah.. relax my forehead, my eye brow, my cheek...NAMASTE

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back at home. i fell asleep.

i thought i have lost my inspiration source

Where have you been? there must be something happened to my inspiration "bud".
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she said:"looks like someone has not been updating her blog"
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being an arachnerd

you don't know how excited am i. Thank you for everyone that had wish me to get this. For this time, i feel so ready to contribute. I am serious this time.
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yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahooo
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{ sense of achievement }

Today is our graduation. I am not feeling alright.


My family are all here for me, all the way from Malaysia with total of 12 hours of wait in the terminal. Idiot me, why should not I appreciate them. Why should I care so much about people who do not appreciate me at all?


I can't feel any sense of achievement and fulfillment.

"Thank you tiffany! thank you so much for doing such a nice and wonderful degree project!" So firm on shaking my hand, the sincerity that was so true. I don't really know why does he need to thank me. I could not really think at that moment. I tried so hard to be proud of what I did but I could not help anymore, by breaking down and cried. (*You know, when you are alone and about to cry, but holding there, and someone turns up and walk to you, hold your hands and concern about you, that kind of feeling.) Really, I didnt mean to look bad or try to grab attention. It was very ugly on me i know.

He said: "Are you alright?" I said yes I am, yea, I dont look like. I tried to say something else, "You are a good actor" (featured in a video). Guess what respond i got? "THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO" he replied. Again, it was touching my heart. By the time I met some people that made me realise the ugliness of human. Complexity of emotion, disappointment of false hope from people on the happy and honoured graduation day for my family and myself. What should i do?

Here, I went to the after party, He said: "it's too bad, your friends are judging you too hard. Everyone is looking so good. He told me that I should be enjoying my graduation. I should be damn happy, and what i need to do is to bring my family to a good dinner. Thank you for talking to me like a friend. You know I won't forget about this short (not really) but true conversation, that allowed me to open up my heart, at the time that i really need someone to talk to.
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thank you Mr. Simon Laing and Mr. Rick.
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